Matt Goyer, Heramb Ramachandran, and Ryan Chen-Wing comment on posters by Feds executive candidates.

Editor's Note: Warning: insightful and sometimes funny commentary ahead.

Heramb: UWS Posters RCW told me to write some smack about the FEDS elections. Before I start, did you know Ryan Chen Wing's full name is Ryan Allan Michael Chen Wing. How many fucking names do you have?

Heramb: Anyway, first order of business: FEDS posters. First thing I noticed was some oriental guy was running for prez. Finally an ethnic candidate. And an engineer to boot! An oriental, engineering candidate? That's a first. His platform seems decent but I personally don't give two shits about platforms. Unless they're worn by hot skanks.

Ma, Omar, Afzaal

Matt: For student opportunities' ticket
• Nice and professional looking posters. These guys definitely have the best posters.
• But while they have great posters, I want to know more. Where can I go for more information about you and your campaign? Why not have a website url? Or at least, your email?

Heramb: The Ethnics Well, they all seemed to have chosen the same Power Point Template. They had color photos of themselves too. I smell blown budget! Neither ethnic candidate is actually smiling but they got that, "don't mess with me" look. Kevin wore a suit with a spiffy tie. Muneeba's got the Persian Sexy Lips angle working to perfection. Raveel doesn't seem to be making eye contact with the photographer. His goatee nonetheless adds a distinguished characteristic to the profile. All in all, the posters look aesthetically pleasing.

Ryan: What's the reason for having Arts Lecture Hall in the background? At least these posters have ideas though some of them are bad. Design is okay but the picture gets in the way.

Matt: Contrary to popular belief there is not a housing crisis. And even if there was Feds are not in the position to develop real estate; they can't even sell ice cream!

Ryan: The list of positions doesn't tell me much. Anyone can collect titles; what did you actually do or achieve. Support to clubs is good.

Matt:
• Nice and professional looking
• How will revamping WatPubs create co-op opportunities?

Ryan: Look she has a aura. How much was the photo retouched? Differential tuition for international students is a big issue— for a small part of the student body. Fed relevant experience is good.

Matt:
• I don't want you to write reports. I want you to implement change.
• See above for my thoughts on Feds housing.
• Direct email? Sounds like spam to me.

Ryan: They flipped his photo; in their DC banner he's looking to the left. How does security at Fed Hall need improving? Capital budget, good. Spamming and Feds housing bad.

Wroe, Henry, Andersen

Matt: Yellow Ticket
• While these posters have candidate's contact information (a URL), experience, platform with details, and a picture I think they could have done a more professional job of conveying that information. Surely one of you is friends with a graphics designer.

Heramb: John, Jeff and Becky They got a real grayscale print job look going. The pictures of themselves aren't as clear as the ethnics. Becky seems to be missing an eyebrow. At least they look happier. They have their own websites. In general, their posters are about as visually stunning as a hairy Italian's armpits.

Ryan: These yellow posters have a good clean design. Again we just see position titles and not achievement. Even worse these posters are mostly platitudes rather than ideas. At least they have a website.

Hamilton, Clelland, Taylor

Matt: THC
• THC is the active ingredient in marijuana, not Feds.
• Who are you guys? You don't even have your full names on the poster! Never mind that you don't list your experience, past experience and contact information.
• Warning!: You're running for the control of a multi-million dollar corporation. Jokes about 'THC' and a big '!' do not inspire me to vote for you.
• Communication, Accessibility, and Visibility are great buzz words but where is your website so we can find out what you really mean about these buzz words?

Heramb: THC At least we got some originality here. They have a team name, THC, which shockingly enough happens to be the first letter of each candidate's last name. And it's in weed. Brilliant. Now at first glance I notice a giant exclamation mark in a triangle that quite frankly I don't know what the fuck means. Maybe they have a punctuation fetish. Upon second glance, I noticed a lot of wit embedded in this poster. They claim to be the "Active Ingredient in Feds." WTF? Are we all German cannibals! I thought this was an election. We ain't gonna vote for no paprika. The best line in the poster was the Warning. It is true. All other Feds candidates past and present not named THC, are incompetent. It took a poster for me to see the light. And best of all, this poster was in Teal. 'Nuff said. They do get points for having the best Hulk Hogan moustache impersonation.

Ryan: This poster is terrible. They better get their "second prong" posters up quickly. Why is the warning symbol the most important thing? Somehow a large exclamation point with a triangle is a secret vote gatting device; whatever happened to the square with the check mark. This bizarrely chosen symbol is by far the largest thing on the poster. Their heads and names are tiny. Their names aren't matched to their heads (except in the order). Where are the ideas? There aren't even any positions listed.

General Comments

Heramb: General Comments I don't need to see cliche-laden, political phrases like "Accountability" or "Visibility." Booooooring. If I saw "Campus wide Enema Day" if elected, that's gonna grab my attention.

Heramb: Another thing I don't wanna see on your poster is ur freaking resume. I don't care if you were President of the Phi Gamma Sucka mya Ballsa Physics Society. Or if you organized plant a tree day! Who are you trying to impress! We're students. We want to see stuff that's relevant to the common man. Like if you petitioned a professor to bell curve all marks and he did, fuck yeah, that's what I'm talking about. All posters failed in this department. But the guys in the weed poster looked nice and stoned. But then there's a cute brown chick. Hmmm, vote for sausage or cute brown chick Herambone.that's a tough one!